I think that becoming a happier person is not so much about changing external circumstances as it is about changing your thinking.
There are quite a few ways to make yourself miserable. Here are 10 of them that I believe are some of the most popular. I have used them time and time again. I still do from time to time I’d recommend decreasing these thought habits as much as possible. Ditching them all together might be hard. But over time you can cut down on them significantly.
1.Compare everything you do to the lives and accomplishments of other people.
The problem with comparing yourself to others is that there will always be someone with more than you So you get a car that is nicer than the ones your closest neighbours drive. And that feels awesome for a while. But then one day you see the young kid on the next block driving around in his new, cool and expensive sports car. And once again, you don’t feel so good anymore.
A more useful way of thinking is to compare yourself to yourself. Compare the Yesterday’s U to the Today’s U. Make a plan for how you can improve on those areas of your life and appreciate the progress you have made.
2. Go along with what everyone else tells you. And try to please everyone
You cannot live your life through the eyes of everyone else. If you do try to please everyone you may find that some people aren’t pleased anyway. So try to please yourself. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t listen to others. What simply works is that you listen to everybody’s words and opinions , but the final decision is yours.
3.Live in a grave amount of negative thoughts.
What you allow into your mind will affect you. So be selective. First thing stay away from ppl with a negative attitude towards life. It’s not easy to stay optimistic when pessimism is the default mode in your world. Spend Time With Positive People. The worst thing for a negative frame of mind is to mope around feeling sorry for ourselves.
4.Never mix things up or try something new.
Always be happy and don’t try something new. This will most probably lead your life to the most dullest corner.
Remind yourself of the other times when you have tried something and how you most often don’t regret it at all. In fact, you probably had a pretty good time. Even if it hurts there is nothing like dirtying your hand to do something new.
5.Spend too much of your time in the past and/or the future
This is a sure killer. The thing is just that if you spend much time in the past or present then thoughts tend to spiral a bit out of control. You start to over think. You imagine future scenarios in an almost compulsive way. You come to conclusions even before problems arrive.
6.Focus on what you don’t want
Swami Vivekananda says “You become what you think”. So when you start thinking what you don’t want, it automatically gains on you. So think wat you want and end up chasing it rather than crying over wat you don’t want.
7.Spend your time looking for magic pills.
Reading a book on personal development won’t solve your problems. It’s kinda devious though because reading the book can make you feel like you are making progress. But without action there is little progress.
But this pleasant feeling of making progress can become addictive. It gives you an emotional high. So you read another book. And another. And you become a personal development junkie.
Always looking for that one thing that will change your life. But there are no real magic pills. Some books are certainly more helpful than others. Especially if they wind up in your hand at the right time. But it is no substitute for taking action. Someone might try to sell you something that they promise will bring big rewards with basically no action your part. That’s probably just a sales technique. The product itself may be good, great or useless. You never really know. You just have to try it out by taking action and see for yourself. That action of yours yields the results not the product. Remember tools are just “tools” ,its You who drives it.
8.Always be looking for and relying on external validation
This can be a huge one. External validation is basically that someone other than you validates you. They might tell you that you are smart, pretty, cool, successful etc. They tell you something that tells you that you are a person of value.
Now, this may sound all well and good. Getting compliments is wonderful. The problem is just that if you need validation from others then you let the outside world, other people, control how you feel.
You do that by validating yourself
You think about how awesome you are. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities.
9.Take all things too seriously
Being hard on yourself just seems to create a lot of negativity and problems within yourself. So takes things a little soft. This has its benefits .Look at complex problems in simple and jovial way ,you will probably end up with astonishing results rather than taking thins serious and toiling it through your mind.
10.Always stick to easier non-risky jobs.
Ah! What a pleasure to hear. Safe in the harbor ,bur are ships built for this. When u start to play things safe u tend to get softer gradually and end up really dull in any work. Choose to be proactive and ready –to-go. This will surely make you a winner.
According to me all these 10 ways will surely help you make your life a miserable one. Follow this and make life miserable or skip all this and be a winner , it all depends in what you take and how you take.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I think that becoming a happier person is not so much about changing external circumstances as it is about changing your thinking.
Monday, March 10, 2008
At last after 50 decades of perfect planning ( of course exaggerated ) Mr.Vetti Vishwaanth came up with an exotic Kodai Plan ( What did I say Kodai ?…. Actually it all started with a plan to the mighty Goa. Then everything fell(literally) in places the budget, the people, time everything. So we half heartedly postponed the “Goa trip” and came up with the “Exotic Kodai” plan. ).As per Mr.Vetti eight ppl agreed to come but at last we were left with only three Mr.Vetti , Hari and me.
From the Start of this plan everything went on with uncertainty. Nothing went as planed( plan courtesy Vishwaanth). In fact this made the whole trip more interesting and worth exploring. We decided to go on with a three day trip , so we booked the tickets for 22 night in Pandian express. As it was in waiting list my mom (Southern Railway employee) made arrangements for confirming it. We were sure that we would get the tickets confirmed. But being a weekending we could get tickets confirmed only in the Holiday Special train. We were all set for the trip and boarded the train without much trouble. The next day morning (23/02/2008) we were supposed to get down in Kodaikanal Road. But god decided otherwise . we picked our luggage and was ready to get down the train didn’t stop in Kodai Road (Specials don stop there it seems).We had to alight at Madurai. Right at the first move plans collapsed. We then took a bus from the Madurai junction to Aarapalayam(main bus stand).From there we took a bus to Kodaikanal.
Day 1-The Arrival :
The route to Kodaikanal was a fantastic experience by itself. The hairpin bend
and the enthralling view of the mist amidst the mountain peaks along with the cool breeze provided the necessary build up for the whole tour. The next 3 hours was spent wondering how god had architected this wonderful place(not to mention the nonstop clicking of camera by Mr.Vetti). Atlast we reached Kodai by 4.30pm when we were supposed to have reached there by 10am , thanks to the confusion in the trains. We were received there by our cab driver Mr.Murugan We then had our first meal of the day(time 4.30 pm) in Astoria , the hotel recommended by all people who visit Kodai. Ya it was good . Then we went to our room which vishwaanth had booked for our stay. The room was a compact and a cozy one with breath taking view from the balcony. Hey what’s this I have been to Kodai and no mention about the weather . Yes that was the spot light there. Mornings are pleasant and cool and in the mid day(1-3) the sun does seem to pop up ,but the chillness is still intact and during the tail end of the day man!! Its Freezing. So cold that we lived the all late evenings inside our blankets(in front of the TV of course). Though the place where we stayed was a little away from the “city”(as they call it) it was comfortable as we had a cab at our disposal. We ordered for dinner and even the paneer butter masala had chicken(). Being a vegetarian I refrained from eating. Heard food was bad. The rest is goodnight sleep after a long and “ happening” day.
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Day 2-The Local Sight seeing :
The morning started with me waking around 6.00 am. Then all three of us after the necessary morning chores (Kalai Kadangal) set out on and “Explore UR Surrounding” trip. True to the fascinating splendor of the Kodai ever place was a worth watch. It was a lane devoid of people (arra it was 7.00 in the morning yaar) with lush green surroundings. We were truly amazed by the place where we stayed. It was actually a little bit higher in altitude than the main Kodaikanal. So we did come to a spot where it sloped down with a path down to where there were some houses. This path in particular was covered with thick green blanket on both sides and was very calm as though no one ever lived in these places. Had Wordsworth been here we would have got a few more of his masterpiece. We finished all our scouting and returned to our place by 8.30am of course with a lot of photo sessions in between. There was a lone tea kadai opened at this time. We hade a dose of the special Kodai Masala Chai and then went into our room. We had planed to set out for the day long trip by 9.00 am and the only plan that happened was this one. Our driver came exact at 9 and we left for the local sight seeing. We finished our breakfast at Astoria and went strait to Coaker’s walk. This is just a 15 mins walk through one of the high altitude lands that provided glimpse of mesmerizing mountains and a few valleys. After this we went to the 100 year old church. This was a nice quite and well maintained place. From this church we went on to Suicide point. This has been rechristened as Green Valley view . As there is nothing there to view there I took Hari and Vetti to the Southern Railway guest house were I had stayed long back. This place is rocking. Serenity is the mighty word. No one to disturb u .The guest house hosts one of the finest view or the suicide point from the other side. We went further up to the Sai Baba guest house. The view oh no! it doesn’t come into words. We took a lot of time enjoying each and ever aspect of nature with a host of photo sessions. Next we drove to the Pillar rock. As I have been to Kodai many times and prefer places without crowd I dint relish this place much. It is just a view point were all we get to see is four tall mountain rocks. We had a desire to go to the other side of the rock and our driver promised to take us there. We then went to Guna cave, the other side of the pillar rock( right through a forest were none inhibited) , the pine forest , Amaidhy pallathakku, and a few places of less importance. We were brought back to main place for lunch. We opted out of Astoria and tried Rasoi, a Punjabi dabba instead. Food was good but the price was hefty. Our last destination of the day was to the Kodai lake and Bryant park. As this was not the flowering season we opted the park out and spent most of the evening around the lake. We went for a pleasant cycling trip around the lake spoiled by the occasional stopping by Vetti for photos( occasional= every one minute).Around 6.30pm we planed to leave back to our cottage. We dint want to eat at the same place as yesterday so we opted to like on biscuits and bread this night. Then most of night was spent inside the room infront of the TV and of course Kalachifying Hari.
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Day-3-The incredible Forest Tour
As usual morning saga. Tea, the walk and back to room. We planed for the forest tour that would be awe-inspiring (as proposed by our driver). As we were running on a tight schedule and travel to Chennai not yet confirmed we had to be back at least by 2 in the Kodai bus stand. So we set out early. First we went to the dolphin’s nose. I misunderstood it as the one in Ooty(U2 ah?). Reaching to the place needed special energy. It was a long trek. We had to stop our vehicle miles before the spot as there was a landslide. We walked through the narrow and lone lane to a place where it bent in the undergrowth(no references to Robert Frost) . It was sloping and a bit easy to trek. We met all kind of people here from true locals to nomadic internationals. We moved in through slush forest and reached to a place called dolphin’s nose. “ I had seen this only in films”. Truly it was a extravagant display of splendor. It was like a rock projected into thin air surrounded by tall mountains. We went on to stand on the projections edge( surrounded on three sides by just air with no support on either side. We had a host of photographs there. The other side of this rock is the “Raam Rock” , this is a place where a scene in the Raam film was shot. It is a square rock suspended in the middle air giving you the required dizzy feeling. That’s all done. We hade to climb back to our car. It was a strenuous climb as we had not come prepared (we saw two girls with Hawaii slippers going to the place , what a tough time the would have had while climbing up). Then in a short while we were in one of a so called falls. It was just a brook with refreshingly chill waters. We then walked further up along the river to a place called “The tigers den”. No big deal it was just a crevice in a rock. But the walk along the river itself gave a glimpse of heaven. The time had now come for some shopping. We got a lots of chocolates ,spices and tea and rushed for the bus to Madurai. As the bus was already ready to leave we got into it with a few biscuit packets and juices. We came to Madurai went to the Meenakshi temple ,ate at the famous Murugan Idly Kadai and how can we leave behind the celebrated Jigerdanda ? we had a taste of it too. Then train to home sweet home(Chennai). This is a tour were we left no stone unturned.
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Though I have been to Kodai a copious times , this one is the best and linger in my memory for long long ages. India is truly Incredible India!